Gaby Rodriguez, a 17 year-old high school student decided to conduct a social experiment gauging the reactions of fellow students for her research paper titled: “Stereotypes, Rumor and Statistics“. Only a small handful of people knew she was not pregnant, including her mother, boyfriend, and school principal.
I have to say, I’m not surprised that Rodriguez was disappointed at the reaction she received from her fellow students; who described her as irresponsible and predicting her school career would suffer. But I’m not sure what she was expecting? Was she expecting people to be proud of her? Or that there is some nobility in teen pregnancy?
The truth is, for the majority of teenage mothers, their lives are disrupted significantly, but not irreparably. Poverty is generally a direct result of having children outside of a marriage commitment, which is a great reason to wait for marriage for sex and children. Is it wrong to be disappointed that a teenage girl would get pregnant? I don’t think so. I think disappointment is a proper response. Television shows which put on display teenage pregnancy, such as MTV’s Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant, have made big money glorifying teen pregnancy. There should be some sense of shame in teen pregnancy both for the new mother as well as the father. There is an undeserving emphasis on preservation and building of self-esteem. It is a sad state of affairs that we must avoid the truth in order to spare feelings.
Sure, Rodriguez has shed some light on an oft avoided topic of discussion. But I think to focus on making a socially comfortable and encouraging atmosphere for this problem does not help. I’m not suggesting ridicule or shunning. But irresponsible actions need to be acknowledged and called what they are. Parents need to take a more active role in their teen’s lives. Teens are vulnerable and easily succumb to their hormone entrenched desires. Perhaps teaching them how to deal with the emotions and feelings they have rather than giving them the “tools” (i.e. condoms and other birth control) to indulge them would prove to be a better solution.
Sifting Reality 
I think once the damage is done, it’s done. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, in my opinion, to give them trouble.
People should encourage them in this way: ensuring they go through with what they started, instead of ducking out by obtaining an abortion.
I agree, we shouldn’t harass or ridicule or berate a teen mother. I’m saying it shouldn’t be encouraged, or that the decisions which led to the pregnancy are just as good as abstaining. Sexual liberty is currently championed and encouraged now, and is made glamourous by television shows. It ought to have a preventive “stigma” to it, in a way that would make teens think twice before having sex at such early ages, that’s all.
You really think teen pregnancy doesn’t already have a stigma? It does. The thing is the stigma doesn’t stop teens from having sex. Hell, if knowing they will have to feel the incredible pain of pushing a a baby out a very small whole isn’t enough to scare them out of having sex, why do we think a pregnancy stigma will?
The other thing is if teens are going to be afraid of stigmatization, it’s going to be stigmatization from their peers. But their peers won’t look at them thinking “wow, you shouldn’t have had sex” the majority will be thinking “wow, you’re stupid for getting pregnant”. This thinking only leads to teens wanting to not let anyone know they’re pregnant. Which in many cases leads them to seeking abortions, which if I remember correctly you weren’t a fan of.
“Sexual liberty is currently championed and encouraged now”
Do you mean male sexuality? Because being a “slut” is not actually viewed by society as being a positive, especially among teenage girls.
Actually, shows like Jersey Shore along with nearly every show on the chanels teens watch like MTV, also glorify being a slut. In fact I sent you the link to the “Slut Walk” movement where women are being encouraged to be sluts, which you defended. Leave your hyper-feminism at the door. Guys arent “sluts” on their own, they’re not having sex with themselves.
There may be a stigma in small rural communities, but teen pregnancy isn’t the gasp inducing condition it once was. And with websites like mariatalks.com funded by the State of Mass where they make abortion sound like no big deal, and quite casually give teens the blue prints on how to get around Mass state laws regarding parental notification “girls do it all the time”. Abortion has always been marketed as birth control masked in health care.
“Perhaps teaching them how to deal with the emotions and feelings they have rather than giving them the “tools” (i.e. condoms and other birth control) to indulge them would prove to be a better solution.”
How do you suggest parents and role models do that? Tell their teens to just say no? Does just saying no magically make these emotions and feelings go away? No! What it can end up doing is drilling in to teens minds, that they are supposed to “just say no” because what they actually want to do is say yes. And if they know they should want to say yes and their bodies are telling them to say yes, teens start to figure whatever they are wanting must be really fun especially since they are surrounded by sexual images everywhere from a young age. And it’s been shown many teens develop a rebellion complex, and actually end up wanting things more when their told they can’t have it and know other people have it and really enjoy it. Ex. A underage drinking.
So what do you teach them then? That it’s wrong to have these feelings, even though biologically their natural? Or that the reasons they have these feelings is just, so they can suppress them and teach them will power?
Do you teach them that there are benefits they can only get from waiting? Ok, you won’t get pregnant and you won’t catch an STD. Those are great benefits. But a lot of people have sex, all the time, with out getting pregnant or an STD. So is the no risk really such a benefit if compared to little risk, when sex is done responsibly, and the big benefit of getting to have sex. And we can’t really pretend have sex is not a major benefit, cause if it wasn’t we would even need to have this discussion because teenage sex would be basically non-existent.
So what’s the ace up the abstinence only until marriage sleeve that makes it so darn effective? Oh wait, I guess there isn’t one because abstinence only education doesn’t reduce the number of students having sex. I’m all for people teaching their kids what they want about sex, cause at least that means your talking to them about it, but it’s not really fair to knock parents teaching their kids comprehensive sex education since even though they might not be reducing their child’s likelihood of having sex, they are reducing their likelihood of getting pregnant or catching an STD. Especially when the abstinence only method has been shown to increase anxiety among teens over sex and having healthy relationships and has also increased the likelihood of teens have unsafe sex leading to more pregnancy.
A scary fact is teens who feel they can’t talk to their parents about having sex are far less likely to come to their parents if they’re in an abusive relationship that includes coercive sex, aka rape. And a student who is confused about his/her relationship, confused about what their body is telling them and what they really want, is very likely not even understand that the coercive sex they are having is sexual abuse, but will instead be caring around guilt for having sex when they’ve been taught not to. But how can you really blame him/her for not knowing what a unhealthy sexual relationship looks like, when they don’t know what a healthy sexual relationship looks like.
But what scares me the most is teens don’t learn about healthy sexual communication. So many teens and college students are confused by what sexual consent is, and end up having sex with a partner which they think was completely consensual when really they weren’t reading the signs their partner was giving them. So many people believe a person saying no, can just as easily be interpreted as that person being “playful” or “flirty” and think their just expect to push a little harder because their partner has been taught to say no, so they don’t look easy, but actually really want sex. This is one of the major reasons why date rape is so high on college campuses. The students don’t understand healthy sexual communication. It’s no wonder why more and more colleges are setting up programs to teach students what sexual consent is, but if they had been getting it all along maybe it would stick better.
It’s also interesting that teaching students that it’s okay to listen to their bodies, but ultimately make decisions on what they feel is best for them actually leads to students delaying age of first intercourse when compared to both programs that only teach mechanics of how contraception works and abstinence only programs. Who knew empowering your teens to make their own decisions would actually lead to them doing what you want them to!
This is part of the thinking behind the “Yes, means Yes” campaign. Which not only teaches women to say yes, but also teaches them it’s okay to say no if that’s what they want and wanting to say no for your own reasons, and not just because that’s what people tell you you are supposed to want, can be perfectly normal. Too many women have sex for the first time not because they really wanted to, but because they felt they should. Not because their boyfriends were pressuring them, but because girls are expected to do things to please their boyfriend because they are taught they need to to keep a boyfriend. Studies have found high school students believe keeping a boyfriend is directly tide to their social standing and their own personal value of worth. Teen are also constantly told: “teenage boys only want one thing”. When you drum that into them long enough, that’s what they believe. And if what a girl want’s is a boyfriend, and she things ALL boys want sex all the time, it puts pressure on a girl to “put out” even if she’s been taught not to, and even if she really doesn’t want to. Which goes straight with the mentality that we teach girls their whole lives, to be caring and put others before themselves. So here is a direct example of how gender roles are working against women in our society.
Also not providing comprehensive sex education is dangerous. Because those teens grow up to be 20 and 30 year olds, who are going to have sexual relations. And the vast majority of them are going to have sexual relations before they get married, if they chose to get married at all. Secondly, even if two people are married that doesn’t guarantee it will be a healthy marriage or that they couple will have a healthy sexual relationship within that marriage. And do we really want teens and young adults rushing when making a decision on who to marry because they want to have sex?
“Television shows which put on display teenage pregnancy, such as MTV’s Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant, have made big money glorifying teen pregnancy.”
I hear this one a lot too. Have you seen these shows? These girl’s lives suck! Does watching COPS glorify crime? I sure don’t think so. The people who say they wanted to get pregnant cause they watched these shows, probably have a whole bunch of other problems going on to begin with, but the media doesn’t tell us that. They want to believe removing pregnancy from tv will some how stop teenage pregnancy, which just isn’t the case. Teen pregnancy has actually been decreasing since the 80s anyways, I’m not saying it’s not something we have to deal with still, it’s just not like tv shows about pregnancy spiked teen pregnancy rates.
Something to keep in mind, I will neither read or address filibusters. If you’d like to dialogue, (I would like to dialogue, that’s why I write) Write comments, not essays.
“I sent you the link to the “Slut Walk” movement where women are being encouraged to be sluts”
First, I never got a link. Second, if I’m correct the “slut walk” movement is more about ending “slut shaming” and teaching Women, and the key word here is Women, as in adults, not to apologize for choosing to have sex. I have no issue with people trying to encourage teens to wait to have sex as long it’s in a healthy context and teens are still taught about what contraception exist. And I’m still fully understanding that parents are going to teach their kids what they want to in their own homes. But adults are going to have sex and it’s their own business. So I do believe slut shaming adult women is absolutely absurd. And I don’t believe in slut shaming teens either, one because it serves no purpose other then to ruin the self-esteem of a teenager. But I can understand if parents or other adults directly involved in that teens life feel the need to discourage their child’s sexuality through their “disappointment” even if it’s not the method I would choose to use.
“shows like Jersey Shore along with nearly every show on the chanels teens watch like MTV, also glorify being a slut.”
That’s right, every girl wants to be like Snookie. Being called a “Snookie” is a positive thing. Everyone is bumping their hair, and tanning their skin orange. Just because these things are on tv and being talked about, doesn’t mean it’s “glorified”. Most people watch the Jersey Shore because it’s absolutely ridiculous. Studies have shown over, and over, and over again the biggest influence on students are not television shows. Not music videos. Not parents. But peer groups. And high school culture is still very “slut shaming”. That doesn’t mean teens aren’t having sex, it just means teen girls aren’t going around openly promoting sexual freedom.
“Guys arent “sluts” on their own, they’re not having sex with themselves.”
When a girl has sex, she’s a slut. She’s stigmatized. Not both of them, just her. Why? Because when guys have sex it’s “boys will be boys” or they’re seen as “studs”.
Society has picked who it wants to stigmatize. And it’s not a coincidence it’s women.
Do you really have faith in a policy that only targets half the population? Especially when EVERY pregnancy involves a member of the group who does not face stigma.
I don’t care if you call me a hyper-feminist. You can’t ignore that the way sex & sexuality is addressed in this country is completely gendered. And ignoring it doesn’t just make it disappear.