We don’t need to know about your sex life

Missouri defensive end Michael Sam made headlines by announcing he is gay.  He is not alone.  There seems to be a trend for athletes to publicly proclaim their homosexuality.  Figure skater Brian Boitano and basketball player Jason Collins preceded Sam in “coming out”.  Of course, these announcements are met with great fanfare and support.  It’s lauded as courageous and inspirational by the media and prominent public figures.  Apparently it’s quite a big deal to have the public know your sexual proclivities.  But why?  This doesn’t seem like information that’s essential for me to know regardless of your sexual identification or occupation, but it seems to have vital importance for some.

homophobiaFor one thing, your sex life doesn’t matter to me.  I have gay friends and family, and it’s not something I’ve ever made central to my relationship with them.  I have never given it primary status in my life and don’t see why it should be in yours, or theirs.  For example, I wouldn’t include my sexual attraction to women in the “tell me about yourself” section of any questionnaire or interview — although I foresee it soon being a box to check on applications of all stripes.  But for some reason this information is consistently offered unsolicited by homosexuals.  It really seems to be a foundational part of who they are.

Maybe I’m too jaded by politics and agendizing of political movements.  But I take it as an invitation for confrontation — not necessarily intentional though.  This is what I hear: “I’m gay, you better be OK with it.”  I think it’s offered to gain affirmation.  Let’s face it, you must be looking for some reaction if you’re putting such an intimate fact about your personal life out there, right?  This is, of course, not an accurate way to gauge the acceptance of friends and family, and certainly not new acquaintances.  Most people are unwilling to be called names if they hold a moral objection to your sexuality and will more often than not nod along and pat you on the back.

Why advertise?  Why is this thing about yourself such that you feel a need to wear it on your sleeve for all to see?  I’m curious why homosexuals feel their sexuality is a defining factor in who they are.  Why should I know this about you, why is it my business?  What does it really say about who you are?  Are you looking for confrontation? Are you saying to us, ‘I dare you to challenge me on this’?

Am I wrong here?  What other reasons could you have for offering me this information about yourself?


  1. Well said….a person’s sex life is none of my business and something I do not care to hear about…if I want to know I will ask….chuq

  2. I think that we as Americans are so rightly enraptured by the civil rights struggle and triumphs. As a country we are constantly pulling for the underdog. And so we need a new population that we can root for. Enter same sex attraction. Define it as a class of people and *boom* you have a new civil rights struggle to cheer for.

    • I think you’re probably right Askme. As a nation, we tend to feel bad for those who we believe are being ganged up on. I also think there are activist groups who know this obvious characteristic of ours and exploit it for personal gain.

      Professional activists get very rich and gain political power so long as their group is perceived as being oppressed and harassed. It is then their job to ensure they stay that way lest they find themselves a captain without a ship.

  3. AskMe & John,

    I agree – to some extent. But it’s somewhat selective. Christians are repeatedly “ganged up on” in the courts and by this administration. It goes far beyond ignoring Christian views on same-sex marriage. You have Christian bakers being sued for refusing to do business with homosexual couples; you have Christians business owners being forced to violate their beliefs via government decree; you have Christians being forced to remove symbols that have stood on public land for more than 40 years; and you have Christians being slapped in the face on prime time television. And seriously, who is anymore discriminated against than unborn children?

    So, it’s not merely a matter of struggles; it’s a matter of struggles intended to transform society completely.

  4. The most common speculation I’ve heard is that he wants to get out in front of this story. He claims he isn’t trying to be an activist. But the it is assumed his announcement is to simply prevent the type of reaction should he might be “outed” by others. Apparently, his whole school (I would guess that means anyone familiar with the guy due to his status as a big time college football player) knew of his “orientation” and respected his status; it was no big deal there.

    What I find most troubling is that it was no concern there. It is typical of the younger generation brainwashed by the “woe is me, I’m so persecuted” propaganda constantly forced upon them. This is especially true given the fact that so many universities are influenced by far leftist thought.

    Even more problematic is the reaction by the media types covering this for sports radio (as this has ramifications for teams who would consider him for the draft). I’ve heard much that is condescending toward those of us who view this lifestyle for the disordered behavior it is, though I have not heard if Sam is actually in a relationship with another guy. The hope is expressed that someday we will be “passed all this”, that “we won’t bat an eye” upon hearing of such things. I rue that day, as it will confirm just how fallen a culture we have become morally. It will be the result of nobody viewing this issue on more than a superficial level, ignoring the truth and facts about it and dealing with the negative impact of doing so by searching for causes not truly responsible. (An example of this is the whine that the rate of suicide within the community is the result of oppression by “the hateful and intolerant bigots in our society”, as opposed to emotional problems of the homosexual considering that course.)

    This whole story seems to me to be just another attempt to further the agenda goal of legitimizing the disorder and the immoral lifestyle that flows from it. The reaction by media types, as well as those “modern and sophisticated” activists and enablers, lends credence to this notion.

  5. Missouri football coach Gary Pinkel had it exactly right when he pointed out that the is a private matte.

  6. Which explains why it is all over the media. I’ve also hear that he wanted to get out in front of the story which seems to move this from heroic to, at best, PR.

  7. One more thought about this is that from everything I’ve heard Sam is at best a mid to late round draft pick. It seems like he is laying the ground work to blame a potential low draft pick on his gayness.

  8. All the post-modern liberal universalists are ironically intolerant of anyone with opposing views seven when those views still clearly respect their freedom of choice.

  9. *even

  10. As a gay man, I’m quite moved by the coming out stories of people in the public eye. When I was a kid, it wasn’t quite the same. People weren’t outing themselves as much as they were being outed by rumor and innuendo. In my day it was Rock Hudson, Elton John, and then later Greg Louganis (be still, my heart). When the world was shouting that I was worthy of their utter disdain, I saw at least a few people I could identify with and look up to. I knew I wasn’t alone in the world. Today, I’m thankful for these self-outings on behalf of the young gay folks today who need the same reassurance. If fact, to a large extent, public outings, and private ones within our small circles of family and friends, are a big part of the reason gay, lesbian, and transgender rights have come so far, so fast! The fear factor has been reduced to what is essentially a smattering of bloggers here and there.
    Now in regard to this notion that coming out is akin to revealing one’s “sexual proclivities,” it’s a nice try, and John, you’re far from the first person to give this one a whirl, but it’s really no different that you saying “I’m married and my wife’s name is Susan.” Even if unintentionally, you’re telling us you’re straight. I think what’s really going on here is that it makes anti-gay equality folks upset when they see us taking pride in our identities. Your heterosexuality is part of your identity, and Michael Sam’s homosexuality if part of his identity. You’re not famous (yet) so the press didn’t cover any of your every-day “coming out” statements. Mr. Sam is a notable person. Yes, his coming out had an agenda. It needn’t be that way, and sometime in the future when society has gotten over its fear and fascination with us queer folk, it won’t be that way.

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