Can You Feel The Love?

The news as of late has had the unfortunate burden of reporting on a string of homosexual teen suicide stories.  It is reported that persistent bullying of the teens had left them in such despair as to cause them to consider taking their own lives the only viable option.  Resulting from these tragedies has been rampant exploitation of the teen’s situations for the advancement of political agendas.

A friend passed along to me a piece from Dan Savage, a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist.  He is known for his “unedited and untamed” advice, read: vulgar and graphic.  The column titled “In Your Image” is addressed below and lives up to this description.

I was listening to the radio yesterday morning, and I heard an interview with you about your It Gets Better campaign. I was saddened and frustrated with your comments regarding people of faith and their perpetuation of bullying. As someone who loves the Lord and does not support gay marriage, I can honestly say I was heartbroken to hear about the young man who took his own life.

If your message is that we should not judge people based on their sexual preference, how do you justify judging entire groups of people for any other reason (including their faith)? There is no part of me that took any pleasure in what happened to that young man, and I know for a fact that is true of many other people who disagree with your viewpoint.

To that end, to imply that I would somehow encourage my children to mock, hurt, or intimidate another person for any reason is completely unfounded and offensive. Being a follower of Christ is, above all things, a recognition that we are all imperfect, fallible, and in desperate need of a savior. We cannot believe that we are better or more worthy than other people.

Please consider your viewpoint, and please be more careful with your words in the future.—L.R.

I’m sorry your feelings were hurt by my comments.  No, wait. I’m not. Gay kids are dying. So let’s try to keep things in perspective: F*** your feelings.

A question: Do you “support” atheist marriage? Interfaith marriage? Divorce and remarriage? All are legal, all go against Christian and/or traditional ideas about marriage, and yet there’s no “Christian” movement to deny marriage rights to atheists or people marrying outside their respective faiths or people divorcing and remarrying. Why the hell not?

Sorry, L.R., but so long as you support the denial of marriage rights to same-sex couples, it’s clear that you do believe that some people—straight people—are “better or more worthy” than others.

And—sorry—but you are partly responsible for the bullying and physical violence being visited on vulnerable LGBT children. The kids of people who see gay people as sinful or damaged or disordered and unworthy of full civil equality—even if those people strive to express their bigotry in the politest possible way (at least when they happen to be addressing a gay person)—learn to see gay people as sinful, damaged, disordered, and unworthy. And while there may not be any gay adults or couples where you live, or at your church, or in your workplace, I promise you that there are gay and lesbian children in your schools. And while you can only attack gays and lesbians at the ballot box, nice and impersonally, your children have the option of attacking actual gays and lesbians, in person, in real time.

Real gay and lesbian children. Not political abstractions, not “sinners.” Gay and lesbian children.

Try to keep up: The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from the lips of “faithful Christians,” and the lies about us that vomit out from the pulpits of churches that “faithful Christians” drag their kids to on Sundays, give your children license to verbally abuse, humiliate, and condemn the gay children they encounter at school. And many of your children—having listened to Mom and Dad talk about how gay marriage is a threat to family and how gay sex makes their magic sky friend Jesus cry—feel justified in physically abusing the LGBT children they encounter in their schools. You don’t have to explicitly “encourage [your] children to mock, hurt, or intimidate” queer kids. Your encouragement—along with your hatred and fear—is implicit. It’s here, it’s clear, and we’re seeing the fruits of it: dead children.

Oh, and those same dehumanizing bigotries that fill your straight children with hate? They fill your gay children with suicidal despair. And you have the nerve to ask me to be more careful with my words?

Did that hurt to hear? Good. But it couldn’t have hurt nearly as much as what was said and done to Asher Brown and Justin Aaberg and Billy Lucas and Cody Barker and Seth Walsh—day-in, day-out for years—at schools filled with bigoted little monsters created not in the image of a loving God, but in the image of the hateful and false “followers of Christ” they call Mom and Dad.

Savage’s hypocrisy ought to be glaring.  L.R. had taken umbrage with Savage’s characterization of “people of faith” which likely refers to Christians given his repeated reference to them in his rejoinder.  L.R. was pointing out that not all-and I would venture to say the vast majority of-Christians fit the stereo-type Savage laid at their feet; asking that Savage not make sweeping statements generalizing Christians as hate-filled, dehumanizing violence promoters, with bigoted monsters for children.

First I would like to point out that the majority of people do not know they are hypocrites, which is why it usually must be pointed out.  But Savage’s hypocrisy is so obvious it seems near impossible for even him to have missed it.

I will take it one paragraph at a time.  Right out of the gate, Savage makes an appeal to feelings, immediately after discounting L.R.’s:

Do you “support” atheist marriage? Interfaith marriage? Divorce and remarriage? All are legal, all go against Christian and/or traditional ideas about marriage, and yet there’s no “Christian” movement to deny marriage rights to atheists or people marrying outside their respective faiths or people divorcing and remarrying. Why the hell not?

Well, Mr. Savage, your understanding of the Christian perspective is a bit skewed.  The Bible instructs Christians to not be unequally yoked, meaning Christians are not to marry unbelievers, or adherents of other religious systems, not that they cannot marry each other.  Christians should not be expecting unbelievers to live as believers and the Bible does not tell us to expect them to.  Savage’s notation of divorce and remarriage is partially relevant in that there are perfectly valid reasons for divorce which would allow remarriage.  Unfortunately, the divorce rate among professing Christians is on par with that of non-Christians.  And yes, there is a command to not remarry if the divorce is not for biblical reasons.

Sorry, L.R., but so long as you support the denial of marriage rights to same-sex couples, it’s clear that you do believe that some people—straight people—are “better or more worthy” than others.

Here is where Savage, and other same-sex marriage advocates have it wrong.  It is not that same-sex couples do not have the same rights, they do.  What same-sex marriage advocates object to is that everyone, gay and straight, have the same rights and restrictions.  The opposition is to the equal application of the law.  They want the laws to capitulate to the sexual attraction and emotional status of potential marriage partners.  Right now marriage laws are blind to these qualities, states care not whether I am in love with or sexually attracted to my potential marriage partner.  Same-sex marriage advocates wish to have the state take emotional status into consideration, which is not necessary.  No law prohibits long-term commitments or private marriage ceremonies (1).

And—sorry—but you are partly responsible for the bullying and physical violence being visited on vulnerable LGBT children. The kids of people who see gay people as sinful or damaged or disordered and unworthy of full civil equality—even if those people strive to express their bigotry in the politest possible way (at least when they happen to be addressing a gay person)—learn to see gay people as sinful, damaged, disordered, and unworthy. And while there may not be any gay adults or couples where you live, or at your church, or in your workplace, I promise you that there are gay and lesbian children in your schools. And while you can only attack gays and lesbians at the ballot box, nice and impersonally, your children have the option of attacking actual gays and lesbians, in person, in real time.

What I am seeing more and more is the portrayal of homosexuals as victims by nature due to the hyperbolic descriptions of Christian attitudes towards homosexual behavior.  The push is to make all Christians out to be of Fred Phelps ilk.  The comparison is not representative and is intentional.  There are professing Christians who hold the opinion of homosexuals which Savage describes, but it is not the standard nor is it biblically prescribed.  Just because Christians believe homosexual behavior is sinful does not mean Homosexuals are damaged and unworthy of civil equality.  The truth is, the vast majority of homosexuals are not bullied, harassed, or attacked.  Of the approximate 7.5 million homosexuals in the United States in 2008 (based on the estimates of 2-3% of about 300 million, being homosexual), according to the FBI only 1706 homosexuals were victims of hate crimes, that’s .023% of total homosexuals (that is, one-quarter of one percent of homosexuals were victims of hate crimes).  I know it sounds callous, but it’s hardly an epidemic.

Real gay and lesbian children. Not political abstractions, not “sinners.” Gay and lesbian children.

Listen, people have a tendency to overlook themselves in the “sin” department.  We all have behaviors, practices and thoughts which we all seek to rationalize away as really not being bad.  We all look at ourselves through rose-colored glasses.  ‘The things I do aren’t bad because I am not a bad person’ we tell ourselves.  Homosexuality aside, children are sinners, ask their parents.  They lie to keep from getting punished, they are selfish, disrespectful, stubborn little sinners.  Just because they are children by no means absolves them from being sinners.

Try to keep up: The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from the lips of “faithful Christians,” and the lies about us that vomit out from the pulpits of churches that “faithful Christians” drag their kids to on Sundays, give your children license to verbally abuse, humiliate, and condemn the gay children they encounter at school. And many of your children—having listened to Mom and Dad talk about how gay marriage is a threat to family and how gay sex makes their magic sky friend Jesus cry—feel justified in physically abusing the LGBT children they encounter in their schools. You don’t have to explicitly “encourage [your] children to mock, hurt, or intimidate” queer kids. Your encouragement—along with your hatred and fear—is implicit. It’s here, it’s clear, and we’re seeing the fruits of it: dead children.

While I cannot speak for churches I have not attended, the churches I have, never disproportionately focus on the topic of homosexuality, and I attend conservative Christian churches.  It had come up in only two sermons and only as a tangential mention in the last 5 years.  I can only speculate as to the “lies” to which Savage is referring, since this is a rhetorical device used to stir emotions.  The “lies” are rarely if ever identified.  As far as health risks involved with homosexual behaviors, it is not up for debate.  It is a physically and mentally destructive lifestyle, one only need consult the Center for Disease Control (CDC) for the toll homosexual behavior takes.  I am not sure what Savage thinks church sermons are like, but given the trend of church teaching today, he is not likely to hear a sermon the likes of which he claims the dehumanizing bigots drag their kids to hear.

Oh, and those same dehumanizing bigotries that fill your straight children with hate? They fill your gay children with suicidal despair. And you have the nerve to ask me to be more careful with my words?

Did that hurt to hear? Good. But it couldn’t have hurt nearly as much as what was said and done to Asher Brown and Justin Aaberg and Billy Lucas and Cody Barker and Seth Walsh—day-in, day-out for years—at schools filled with bigoted little monsters created not in the image of a loving God, but in the image of the hateful and false “followers of Christ” they call Mom and Dad.

The five teens Savage mentions, exploits in this case, are tragic examples of extreme circumstances.  Where were these kids parents during all this?  Were there no signs?  Publicity and activism is not what these kids needed, they needed guidance.  If all they hear from homosexual advocates is that anyone who is opposed to homosexual behavior are vicious, evil, bigoted monsters who hate-hate-hate, of course they will be more prone to emotional distress.  After all who could function if they are told they must be constantly looking over their shoulder in fear.  Let me offer an analogy. It has been demonstrated that people will act as they are told to act.  For example, if you post a sign over the highway informing motorists to “expect delays” traffic will inevitably slow down to a rush hour’s pace, not because of any real hinderance, but people tend to do as they’re told.  Likewise, I suspect, homosexual teens and adolescents, if told they are hated and despised, and will be the victims of monstrous bigots, they will see hatred and bigotry in their interactions with people.  If they are told Christians are hateful, then every Christian they meet will always be viewed as Savage paints them, whether it is deserved or not.

It is, I believe, in this respect that activists such as Savage who do more damage and bare more responsibility than the Christians on whose shoulders this burden is placed.  Homosexuals are not the victims the activists claim to be.  There are more victims of religious hate crime than there are homosexual victims.  It is time to stop exploiting the tragedies which have befallen the families of the teens who have taken their lives.  It is time to stop creating a victim mentality.  But then again, activists like Savage have made a living playing the victim.

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