The unasked question in the same sex marriage debate

But this time 11 year-old Grace Evans asked it.

(CNSNews) — …Grace Evans, 11, said before the Minnesota House Committee on Civil Law last week. “I know some disagree, but I want to ask you this question: Which parent do I not need – my mom or my dad?”


“Even though I’m only 11 years old, I know that everyone deserves to have a mom and a dad,” Evans said. “If you change the law to say two moms and two dads can get married, it would take away something very important for children like me across the state.

“My mom is very important to me, because she teaches me about being a girl,” Evans said. “She is kind, thoughtful, gentle and beautiful. She cares for me and others and listens very well to things I want to talk to her about.

“I am learning from her to be a good woman, wife and mother someday. Even though I learn some of these things from my dad, my mom teaches them in a very special way. Without my mom, it would be very hard for me to learn them. She’s my role model on how to be a girl, and I love her very much,” she said.

“My dad is also very important to me, because he protects me and helps me get the confidence to be a girl who is growing up to be a woman,” she continued. “He takes care of problems in a way my mom cannot.

“Just like my mom wouldn’t be able to be the woman she is without my dad, I wouldn’t be able to be the woman I want to be without my dad. Because he is strong, wise and different from my mom, I learn things from him that I would not be able to learn in the same way from my mom,” said Evans.

Let’s face it, same sex marriage naturally leads to adoption, surrogacy, and artificial insemination if the couple wish to start a family.  The inevitable consequence to the children introduced into these households will be denied either a mother or father — or female or male role model in the home.

Grace posed the question to Minnesota lawmakers and they offered silence in lieu of a response.  I now ask  my readers who support same sex marriage, which parent is expendable, which parent does a child not need?


  1. paynehollow says:

    And flipping the question: For those lesbian couples who are lovingly raising a child, which one is expendable? And the two gay guys raising a child adopted from an orphanage – Are you suggesting that they are insufficient as parents? Based on what?

    In truth, a child needs ALL the parents and extended family and community that they can get – gay, straight, lesbian, male, female… all of the above – and shame on anyone who would try to take that away from a child.

    • Pain hollow

      You’re skewing the question, not flipping it. The question was which parental figure can a child do with out. What you did was make the question which parent can the child do without, Jane or Sally?

      So answer the question, since same sex marriage will deprive a child of either a mother or father, which is expendable?

  2. Payne, I think you’re deliberately not getting the point of the post, however to answer your attempt to flip the question, in a ssm, either one of them is “expendable.” Nothing – no other relationship – can replace a child’s need for both a mother and a father. It’s unfortunate that sometimes circumstances lead to the loss of one or the other, but in SSM, one or the other is *deliberately* denied a child, in order to meet the desires of the adults of the relationship. This same argument can be made against those who deliberately choose single parenthood. It is these selfish adults who are taking away something vital to a child.

  3. Children benefit from a mother and father in the home. The problem is that people have been pushing for a reality that doesn’t exist: that women and men are the same in every way.

  4. That’s a false dichotomy since both are expendable.
    Children can survive without a mother and a father. It isn’t vital.

    On the other hand, children haven’t chosen Grace Evans as their spokeperson nor her needs are other children’s needs.

    Another thought: I didn’t learn any “role” from my parents, they weren’t role players.

  5. John you and I share the same worldview as you. However, we really can’t hold this article up to those who support same-sex marriage because they have disassociated biological gender and gender roles and have a different premise. In other words they have disassociated a biological female with feminism and a biological male with masculinity. A same-sex marriage supporter can agree that kids need a “mom” and “dad” but will say those roles can be filled with two people of the same gender. The postmodern spirit of today has successfully changed society so that everything is up for interpretation. There is no premise or starting argument founded on absolute truth, it’s whatever your feel and desire is the premise. I love this blog because I enjoy apologetics and agree that we can challenge the logic behind the world’s ideas but I think gay marriage is something that can only addressed in the spiritual realm with prayer and fasting. The arguments can be so twisted. Pansexuality is next and marriage between 2 or more objects, I’m not trying to spew cooky eschatology but it’s already out there. Duck and cover and share the love of Christ and put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6).

  6. @Isu Many secuar family pschologist agree that a child’s parents and lack or absence thereof have an important and longlasting effect on a child’s life.

  7. TerranceH says:


    Not sure I ever heard such an intelligent explanation…

  8. Thanks Terrance

  9. I am against same sex marriage. Now we need at young people today for many are fatherless andit’s not because he died! Men today are plain confused and don’t how to be masculine as many are adapting feminime. Thus are either gay, metrosexual, or feminize! Children need parents especially their own gender.

  10. paynehollow says:


    So answer the question, since same sex marriage will deprive a child of either a mother or father, which is expendable?

    The answer is, NO parents are expendable. Male, female, two females, two males, it doesn’t matter, to the child, NONE are expendable. That is my answer.

    Are you asking, “Does a child HAVE to have one mother and one father to be properly and lovingly raised?” The answer to that question is No, of course not. A child can be properly and lovingly raised by a single parent, by a mother and a father, by two mothers, by two fathers, or by adopted parents of any sort.

    Do you have any real world rational basis do disagree with this obvious fact?

    • “Are you asking, “Does a child HAVE to have one mother and one father to be properly and lovingly raised?””

      No, that’s NOT what he is asking, and you are being dishonest by rephrasing it this way.

      In an ideal world, children would be raised by their biological parents, preferably with close ties to biological kin, followed by a larger social community, but it is the biological parents that the child needs. Obviously, this is not a ideal world and things go wrong. This does not mean that a single parent, relatives, adoptive parents, etc. *can’t* raise a child lovingly and well, but it is much more difficult and does create harm for the child.

      What is different about artificial families is that they deliberately remove one or both biological parents from the child’s life, and this is being found to be harmful to the children involved *no matter how “good” the artificially created family is.* We discovered this with adoptive parents when adoption laws sealed information about biological parents from children. We have discovered this with IVF children, where their biological parents are simply “donor.”

      Biological parents, we are increasingly discovering, matter a great deal to children and their long term health. With SSM, deliberate single parenthood and donor IVF, children are being denied something we were told wasn’t supposed to matter. For decades, we’ve had “experts” telling us that there’s no difference between men and women – that they were “equal” – and that there is no difference between mothers and fathers. We’ve been told that fathers, in particular, were not necessary, and that as long as children had loving adults in their lives, they’d be fine.

      The experts were wrong, and we’re finally discovering the consequences of this social experimentation – and children are paying for it with psychological distress, as they try to grow in a world without their roots. It is reflected in higher rates of depression, suicide, poverty, mental illness, etc.

      Here is your real-world rational against SSM (and not only ssm) parenthood.

  11. Activists and their enablers need to believe that a child is not the least bit affected by the lack of male influence in their formative years, or the lack of female influence. They need to believe that they can get what is lacking in their “parents” from outside sources, hence Dan’s reference to community and extended family. But these are not the same, even when considering it contains both male and female models. The close and daily interaction of husband and wife for the development of their child has far more impact on that development than viewing those interactions of others from the outside. How can it not?

  12. zanspence

    “@Isu Many secuar family pschologist agree that a child’s parents and lack or absence thereof have an important and longlasting effect on a child’s life.”

    That doesn’t mean that heteresexual parents are needed.

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